After yesterday’s encounter with Mr Pelican post delivery man and his message from who can only be classified as The Trap Setting Son of a Bitch, there was no doubt in my mind that I needed to act. I am convinced that this bastard has made their life in Meowland and is living amongst us.

I needed to get into covert mode. I needed a disguise. I have to be deep undercover. Not only do I have to fool everyone else, I need to fool myself. First things first, I needed a haircut that was not recognisable as the classic Jiggly. I walked up the twenty-two stairs to the barbers above the tailor. Even though it is a hair salon, I feel more manly calling it a barber. Barbers cut men’s hair. Hairdressers cut women’s hair. I ain’t no woman…

As the giant machine came down upon me head and went to work redoing my look I kept thinking about hairdressers and barbers. I had an Idea. The machine popped off and I spied my new look in the adjacent mirror.

Damn straight I looked totally different. This was not the typical Jiggly style.

As I left the barbers, Leif, the creepy as hell town florist/horticulturist saw me and began to laugh. He went into his store and I followed. I asked him if he found something funny. He giggled a little more. I told him that he better start spilling his guts before I pushed him onto the cactus and spilled them for him.

His tune suddenly changed and a look of fear washed over him. He told me to take it easy and that he was sorry. He said that he would like to tell me what was so funny but it would be better to go and see Blathers at the museum as he would be able to answer my question better. I leered at Leif and pushed past him out the door.

I headed straight to the museum to find out what Leif’s issue was. I had no patience today so I woke Blathers straight away. He looked a little confused at first. He stared right at me with a hint of joy. Soon that joy turned to sorrow once recognition set in.

I asked him what was up. He sighed a long and loud sigh. I impatiently asked what his issue was. Another sigh. Damn it owly! I haven’t the time for you antics! Thankfully he spoke. He referred to me by name and said that my haircut reminded him of someone. Apparently I looked like his ex-girlfriend with my hair like this. In fact I looked pretty much just like her. I didn’t question his inter-species relationship but he continued on. He told me that she had died only a few moths before my arrival to Meowland. They had a fight and she broke it off a week before… Before the accident.

I wanted to know more but made sure to tread carefully. I asked how it happened. It turns out he had gone to meet her one evening at the cliff face just in front of my, at the time, nonexistent house. As he approached she fell off the cliff. Something didn’t quite make sense. You would more than likely survive that fall. I posed this to the sad owl. He said that was in fact true… But someone had planted a pit trap in the sand below. She fell into it and hit her head. She was unconscious and the sand consumed her. It was hours before the authorities retrieved her.

I gave my condolences and appologised for my looks. He said that it wasn’t my fault. I left.

To make sure I attracted no more attention, I went to the tailors and accessories store to don my disguise. The genius plan that I concocted for my undercover look was to dress as a woman. Not so easy now that I looked like Blather’s reanimated ex-girlfriend. Luckily there was a wig that changed my image. I went to test my disguise on Dizzy.

I introduced myself as a traveler from a town called… Squigglyville. Damn it! I should have come up with a better cover story. Dizzy turned and looked me up and down. He questioned me on Squigglyville. I told him it was far east. He said that would explain why he’d never heard of it before, as he hailed from the west. Phew! He welcomed me to Meowland and said that everyone in town is friendly and I should talk to them all. Well, all but one. He said I should avoid a guy named Jiggly. Although he was mayor he was a total bastarad.

Man, what an ass!

He also told me to smack rocks with my shovel and to consider it a welcome gift.

I went to the nearest rock and lay into it. Money started to come out of it. What was this witchcraft!

I approached Diana, the albino deer. I introduced myself from the town of Squigglyville, just as I had with Dizzy. She asked my name. Oh crap… I didn’t have a name. I said I was Greg. Then I realised I was undercover as a woman. Gregette, I corrected myself. She commented on the uniqueness of my name. I said it was common where I was from. I said to her that I was considering moving here but had heard rumors about traps being set around town. She said it was true, there were in fact traps being set and found daily. I thanked her and moved on.

I found myself in Town Square and noticed that Redd, the art dealer was in town. I got into character and went in the tent. I ‘good-dayed’ the fox and introduce myself. Name, town. The whole shebang.  He told me about the artwork. I told him it was information I wanted. He laughed and explained that he only shared information with paying clientele. I slapped down a crisp $4000 in bills and told him I’d take the painting in the corner. He asked what I wanted to know.

I said to him that being the intrepid traveling salesperson he was, he must be privy to town gossip across the counties. It was true. He confirmed that he heard everything in all towns. I asked him about The Trap Setting Son of a Bitch. I asked if they faced the same problems in any other towns. He said that Meowland was the only town he knew that was being terrorised in this way. I went to take my leave. I’d heard all I needed to know. As I lifted the tent flap he asked where he should send the painting. I told him to send it to the Mayor’s house.

I went to see Princess Leia next. She was at home, doing only what can be described as chillin’. She welcomed me in. She had a smile on her face. I introduced myself. She laughed and said that she knew it was me. Hmm… She saw straight through my amazing disguise. She said that it was probably because we were good friends that she recognised me. I better not go see Fang then. I told her I was investigating the traps. She said it was a good thing I came. She was actually going to try and find me. She had a clue.

Last night she was out for a walk and fell into one of the said traps. She wiggled and squirmed for about half an hour before managing to lift herself out. As she headed home she found a glove next to a tree near where the trap was set. She handed it to me and said I should go investigate some more.

I took my leave and went to find The Elephant. He was fishing. I approached him and asked if I could join in. He said that was no problem. We sat in silence for a while just fishing. He asked if I was new to town. I told him I was just on a day trip. He commented on how that was nice and that it’s good to get away sometimes. It’s good to leave your troubles for a while. I asked if he had any troubles. He said that he did. I asked if it had to do with the traps set around town. He said that I could say that… How odd. He stood up and said that he had caught all the fish he needed. I went to leave. He stopped me and his tune turned to that of more a happy song. He said that fish tastes so good but he was longing for a pet. He asked what he should do. Before I could say anything he answered his own question.

As I left I couldn’t help feel there was something… fishy… with The Elephant.

I needed more answers. I needed to talk to someone who knows Meowland. I needed to see the old mayor, Tortimer. I jumped onto the boat and headed over to the tropical island. To see the old mayor I had to sign up for a tour. I selected the easy item match tour and made my way there.

Tortimer welcomed me to the game and told me the rules. I said to him that I didn’t really want to play and that I just wanted to speak with him. He ignored me. He rang the buzzer and told me to begin. I tried to speak to him again. He just repeated the rules. I tried once more and he yelled at me. He said that I should be finding items and not wasting time speaking. Fine! I went and completed his challenge. He congratulated me and awarded me with some medals. He turned and asked me what it was that I wanted.

I removed my disguise and told him it was in fact I, Jiggly! He didn’t seem to care. I asked him about the traps. He told me that this wasn’t a problem when he was mayor. Bah. No help here. I asked him if he was familiar with the townsfolk. He said that he was friends with all who where there when he was. I showed him the glove that Princess Leia gave me earlier. He said that it was Fauna’s. I thanked him and headed home.

I didn’t know what to think. The traps. The clues. The letters… There was so much to consider. The letters were personal. I had been attacked. Several townsfolk seemed suss… I took the glove to Fauna. I told her that I found this glove on the ground and asked if was hers. She said it was. I asked if she knew what happened for her to lose it. She dodged the question.

Sigh… I had learned so much but knew so little.