Ahh, August. The month of my birth. I plan on having a big birthday bash this year with everyone in town joining in. That is everyone except for Dizzy. I hate that guy. It’s still a few weeks away but I should start planting seeds in everyone’s mind, at least that way I might get some gifts that I actually want. As for now… Let’s go shopping!
I wanted some new threads, as the youths of today would say. I went to the fashion centre of Meowland to find a style that would compliment my body. I stopped into the Accessories shop first and there was jack all that I wanted. Meh. What a waste of time. I went next door to the tailors run by the Able Sisters. There wasn’t much to choose from. I grabbed a leather shirt that looked somewhat like a black shirt. I put it on.
Jiggly, you sexy beast of a man.
I went home and looked through the different hats and stuff I already owned and made myself look goooooood. I put on my Samus pants and a white cap.
It had been a few days since I ventured around town, so I went for a walk. A new resident had moved into town, right in front of Re-Tail. It was a nice looking house and I recognised the animal to whom which it belonged. It was Diana, the Albino deer from the town of Fox. Ha haaar! My recruitment plan was working! I was slowly stealing away Cerviche’s townsfolk. I wasn’t doing it maliciously. It was all in fun.
I was feeling a little peckish and decided to go to Super T&T. I was gonna get me some fortune cookies. Ahh yes, The fortune cookie. A tasty treat with a prize inside. I burst in through the automatic door and threw out a greeting of how the day was towards the young raccoon proprietor. As usual, he welcomed me into the establishment. I asked Tommy to fetch me some fortune cookies. The little tanooki laughed nervously. He told me that for the whole month of August, fortune cookies would not be available.
I wanted my treats! I looked to the spot where my fortune cookies typically resided. What was this? A doggy bag and a bong?
Tommy giggled. He called me silly and explained that they were actually fireworks. Great idea. Replace a family friendly snack with explosives.
I bought them both and left.
I went to the post office and saw the happy smiley pelican, Pelly, sitting behind the counter. She called me over and said that there was a special gift waiting for me. It was a Fireworks Table. I think there is a theme to this month… I went to the ATM to see how much I owed on my Home loan. It was like $80,000. Chump change really. I transferred the funds and felt the sweet, yet fleeting relief of being out of debt to Tom Nook.
I headed back towards the village and notice one of those tiny yellow birds on top of the town notice board. This bird knows something. It’s always there when there’s a new notice.
Yep, definitely a theme this month.
I wanted to make some revenue and it was too early to go bug hunting, so instead I went fossil… Hunting. I unsheathed my trusty shovel and went on the search for the soft patches of earth.
Not one to brag, but I do consider myself a fossil finding champ. I was rockin’ it. I did get a little too into the swing of things and I let my guard down.
Damn you Trap Setting Son of a Bitch! It was my own fault. I wasn’t prepared. I took the fossils I had found to Blathers at the museum.
He asseded my fossils, but not with the same grandeur of happiness that he usually presents. He asked if that was it. I said yes and began to walk out. I heard him say something under his breath. I ask him what he said. A lound and bounding “GOOD!” came from his beak.
I asked him what was up. He said that I knew… I told him I had no idea. He reminded me about the pledge I had made to get the second floor of the museum refurbished so it can be used for the public to display their own things.
Crap. I had totally forgotten about that. I appologised and said I would get that public works project done. I walked out, instantly ignoring what I had just promised. I went to redesigning the footpath. I made the bricks 4 times bigger.
I stopped by work to see what needed doing. I guess I really needed to decide on a new Public Works Project, but I couldn’t be bothered. I decided to redesign Meowland’s flag instead. I based it upon something I once heard Penn Jillette say: One nation under a mother freakin’ groove.
It was starting to get a bit late. I looked at my watch. Ahh 8:00pm. That meant K.K. Slider was playing! I ran down to club lol and watched his performance. Tonight’s song was called K.K. Groove.
I checked my pockets as I left. Somehow K.K. slid a copy of the track in there. What a champ. What a gunn of a dog. This was going straight into my record player.
I was feeling good and to celebrate I set off the fireworks I had bought earlier that day. First was the Roman Candle. I wasn’t expecting much, but it was actually pretty fun.
Next was the bong looking thing, whose name, just like my assistant’s, alludes me. It was rather meh. I’m glad it was only like $200.
Suddenly I heard a loud screaming, that was getting louder and louder. As if from out of nowhere Boone suddenly ran out from behind some trees. He kicked the fireworks thing into the river and a triumphant look came over his face. Hehe… face.
He said that he was glad that I set off the fireworks, though totally safe, he was on neighborhood watch and wanted something to do.
Next I bumped into Goaty Creature. She was running around in circles chanting something that sounded rather satanic. I was surprised she didn’t sacrifice herself.
I continued on my way and saw Kidd.
I tell ya… That guy. He knows how to make a mayor feel good. Speaking of awesome guys, where was Fang? I hadn’t seen him all day. I went to his house. He didn’t look good. He looked pretty bad actually. I asked him what was wrong.
Oh, heck no! Not my Fang! I raced towards Super T&T to buy some medicine. On the way back, Dizzy stopped me. I asked him what the hell he wanted. He knew I was in a rush. He asked if I would catch him a fish. Seriously? Can’t he see I’m trying to save a life here! I told him to get real and raced back to fang.
I gave Fang the medicine and looked on all worried like. There was no miraculous recovery. I should have known it would take some time to take effect. Fang was grateful but felt like a burden. I told him that would never be the case. He was my friend.
I figured I should make some more money by going to the tropical island and catching some bugs. I tell ya… That Kapp’n guy… Creepy. As. Hell.
It’s not just Kapp’n though. Lloid is pretty creepy too.
Yes… Special friend indeed.
I spent the next hour or so catching bugs. Some of them where pretty huge.
After I returned to Meowland and sold my bugs to Re-Tail, I headed home to retire for the night. On the way I saw Boone on the stone bridge. He was looking into the river with a blank expression on his face. He asked me if I ever just got the urge to throw someone into the water below, just to watch them fall.
I decided to take the other bridge home…