Gotta Steal, Pet and Love ‘Em All

I never thought I would get into a game like this. I mean, I never really understood the premise of the actual game or how it works. Sure, you have to be the best and catch them all. Get the rare ones and show them off to your friends. But I have fallen into it’s trap. It’s addiction.

Huh? No, not Pokemon… I still don’t get that. I’m talking about… Neko Atsume!



The game is pretty much what my life was as a youngster. Put a bunch of stuff into you backyard to try and lure cats over to hang out. One year for my birthday when I was like four or five years old, I blew out the candles on my cake and wished for hundreds of cats.

Ah, shit. I shouldn’t have told you that. Now my wish will NEVER come true. At least not in the real world. But on my phone it pretty much has.

I was sitting in the breakroom and people started talking about this cat game. I had no idea what they were talking about, so I got the app. I bought a red rubber ball and placed it on the ground. “What now?” I asked. “That’s it.” was the reply. “Eventually cats will come.”

I went back to work and loathed every second of it. Next break came along and I opened the game. I’ll never forget my first cat. As far as I’m aware the cat’s are not given genders, but I ***TRIGGER WARNING*** assigned a gender based on looks and name. I do this with all my cats.


It was Snowball, complete with butt-hole. Rolling around playing with that red rubber ball.

The game is starting to turn into a cat cult at work. Every day it seems someone else has been converted. Several times a day the question “Check yo’ cats?” will arise.

It’s starting to feel a little creepy…

“Any new cats?”
“Yeah, I got Tabitha! It’s funny because she’s a tabby.”
“Nice… Did you get a photo of her?”
“Not yet.”
“Make sure when you do you set it as a favourite. Yep, just like that… Niiiice.”

Taking several playful and compromising photographs of young cats from afar. Louring them to you property with the promise of toys and a bit of kitty chow to feast upon. Just so you can add them to your ‘collection’.

Looking at the snapshots when you’re all alone with no cats to ‘keep you company’ and singling out some of your favourites…


What’s next? DO I have to spend a hundred gold fish on a white panel van?

It’s an endless cycle. Buy toys to lure cats. Photograph them. The cats give you gifts and more currency. Buy new toys. Take photos of them with the new toys. Get gifts and more money. More toys. Snapshots. Money…

One day I’ll be too old for this and will neglect to put out the food. Or maybe the cats will get bored or discover what is really wanted from them…

I’m not doing this to be nice. I’m doing this for them. I’m doing this so I can HAVE them.

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