Well, well, well. You wanna know what Sony has to show off at E3? I guess you clicked the right link then! My job today is to inform your good self on what exactly they will be exhibiting on the big stage. Sit back, relax and have a read about what to expect.

1. It’s not about the numbers. It’s about the numbers

*Note to self – Remember to remove the alternate option depending on the company

After the obligatory “What to expect” montage of games for PS4/Xbox One, Shawn Layden/Phil Spencer, the guy who took over from Jack Tretton/Steve Ballmer will walk out on stage. He will welcome everyone to this years E3 and thank them for coming today to the amazing Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena/Galen Center here in L.A.

He will mention that usually at these things they like to talk a bit about the numbers. But he assures us, that’s not what he is here to do today. It’s all about the games.

As expected, he goes on to talk about the numbers.

Regardless of the actual figure and/or sales he will say that Sony/Microsoft is the market leader. Naturally, nobody cares.

2. We need graphs. Lots of graphs.

*Note to self – DEFINITELY remember to remove the other name.

After the numbers, Shawn/Phil will keep talking about figures and shall molest our eyes with many, many graphs. They will be totally be pointless and no one will care. This will take up about 15 minutes of precious media briefing time.

3. VR is an Oxymoron

Making it’s E3 debut will be the Virtual Reality headset that Sony was secretly working on from the very beginning, or so they say, which is why the Dualshock 4 has the constant glowing bar.

In reality, not the virtual one Sony is trying to make, Sony only recently started development on the headset. The reason? Well they’ve ripped off as much as they already can from Nintendo and are now looking at fake Nintendo ideas. In this case, it was the Nintendo On.

4. Who would want that?

*Note to self – Seriously remember.

Everybody! That’s who. Thankfully Shawn/Phil will announce that the feature that should have been built into the PS4/Xbox One from the beginning. You will be able to stream your whole collection – movies, music & photos, with ease.

This isn’t that exciting of an announcement because it’s not like it’s something new. Hell the PS3/Xbox 360 did it. It’s expected in this kind of technology. Unfortunately it’s about nine months away.

5. Who let the dogs out? Nobody, they let themselves out.

Without introduction a new trailer will play for Naughty Dog’s Uncharted 4. It will be epic. Straight out of the trailer the house light go back up. A live demo starts. It’s not anywhere near final code and shows a few glitches, but it’s okay, it’s Uncharted 4. But how good will the game really be? Many people have recently left Naughty Dog, including Amy Hennig, the Creative Director of the previous games in the series.

After the demo, the PS4 version of The Last of Us will be mentioned and shown off with a comparison to the PS3 version. There will be very little difference.

One more thing before Naughty Dog leaves the stage. The other game they have in development is talked about. The title of the game flashes across the screen along with a single still image. What will it be? My money is on a new franchise.

6. You were supposed to be the chosen one!

The PS Vita will pretty much be ignored, at least on the new games front. A maximum of two (2) decent titles will be announced along with a bunch of indie games already available on other platforms.

The main PS Vita focus will be on PS4 connectivity. You know, asymmetrical gameplay… Like Nintendo. The main game demoed will be Pacman Vs 2. Half of the audience get up and leave.

Shawn continues to talk about the PS4 integration, including things like two-way media streaming and screen mirroring.

7. Thank you Mr. Kojima

The saving glory for Sony’s E3 2014 will be a trailer and gameplay demo for Metal Gear Solid: The Phantom Pain, complete with an appearance from Hideo Kojima himself. Unfortunately the game still wont have a release date and not even a ballpark timeline will be mentioned. Mr. Kojima then invites his friend, Mr Satoru Iwata, president of Nintendo onstage. Mr Iwata proceeds to say “Please understand.”