There’s only one thing that will make me go back towards civilisation. Just one. Is it for comfort? I think not. I don’t need comfort. What about entertainment? Hardly. I don’t think anything can hold my attention long enough to distract me these days. Could it be to find happiness? Lol. How cute. Or maybe, just maybe, I’ve been alone so long now I just want to remember what it’s like to have contact with someone else — anybody else. The need to feel companionship once more. No. After what happened last time… I just… I just need provisions.
As I made my way through the woods, my makeshift home, the place to which I banished myself, I did my best to try and not think about the mistakes I’d made in the past. That’s a hard task. You don’t want to forget the damage you caused and certainly not those who got hurt along the way. Heh, hurt. It was worse than hurt. But if I think about it too long the emotion makes me feel almost human again…
I emerged out of the deep woods into what used to be a simple clearing, but things seemed different. There was a blue and white combi van sitting in a dirt carpark of sorts. That wasn’t there before. There wasn’t much of anything here last time. The pristineness of it had now been ruined slightly. Actually, when I first left I thought this would be a nice place to retreat to. Then I realised it WAS a nice place. Too nice of a place for me to hide away in. I didn’t deserve it.
I tried to ignore the van, but it was just sitting there as if it was beckoning me to investigate. I refused. I kept walking. I didn’t have time to investigate silly things anymore. Who was I kidding? All I had was time. Time better spent hating on myself and regretting the mistakes I’d made. Screw it. I went to take a look. The side door was open but no one was around. Where was the owner? Were they in trouble? I hurried over to take a look if they needed help. The van was as empty as my soul. It was fine. For a few fleeting moments, I almost remembered what it was like to be needed. What it was like to help people. I let the moment pass and I turned around to leave. Then I saw her, standing there.
She stared at me for a moment, an expression of uncertainty sitting on her face. If I had to compare it to something I’d seen before, it would be the look Kevin had in the movie Home Alone, when his mother returns on Christmas day. For one, not knowing if it was real and two, if he was ready to trust her again. I thought I was going to cry. The pain I had caused when I was part of her, and everybody elses’ lives and the pain I caused once more when I left.
“It’s been a long time Mayor…”
She had to stop and correct herself.
“It’s been a long time Jiggly.”
She let out a big smile and ran towards me, almost knocking me over as we hugged. I couldn’t stop from crying now. She told me it was okay. Everything was now okay.