The greatest one-hit wonder of all time; it was the one hit for two bands!
Try Doodle Jump, they told me. And for 99 cents, I was on board. Why not? How much could I lose? A dollar? So I downloaded the game, figured out how to play, marveled at the cool art style, and then missed a platform. Game over. Wait. What?
This was my first exposure to a new kind of game that has taken over my iPhone gaming life. These are games with only one life. Make one mistake, and it’s all done. Now, for someone like me, this works OK. Don’t want to watch the commercial? Great! I can try a round of this game. Waiting in line at the grocery store? Great!
And I’m not alone. The top selling games for iPhone are littered with these titles: Doodle Jump, Monster Dash, Robot Unicorn Attack and Fruit Ninja. (Technically, you can let three fruit fall in Fruit Ninja, but hit one bomb and it’s lights out.)
I’m sure there’s others, but these are the ones I’m playing.
And I hate them all.
When you’re not particularly good at video games, even getting to the “hard parts” is a challenge. So when you have to dredge through the easy parts over and over and over again, the boredom and frustration overtakes me. I have friends who can probably do the early levels of Super Mario Bros. with their eyes closed. I do them with sweaty, clenched fists, and swear consistently as I die before making it to the first pole.
Of all of these, though, Monster Dash is my favorite. It’s full of cute achievements, funny advice when you die, and some neat weapons. I do wish I could slow down a bit, but I realize that’s not the point of the game. I would like to know if there’s more than 3-4 levels, though. What happens if you actually make level 5? Does something happen? Do you get an extra life? Can you continue?
When Galaga was re-released into arcades a few years ago, they added a Continue feature. I thought this was the most offensive thing I could possibly imagine. Classic games didn’t have continue! That’s what made them so difficult and awesome! Can’t make stage 50 in Galaga? Tough cookies, kiddo!
Now, the roles have been reversed. Now I want continue. What awaits me up there in the Doodle Jump sky? Is there a pot of gold up there? Some sort of wisdom floating up there in the great heights?
I’ll never know, for in these types of games, there’s only one life to live. And when you’re a crappy gamer like me, that’s a pretty short life.
